A Brief Summary Of A Life:
This schmuck was born in the wilds of Western Massachusetts, where he broke his body playing sports and watched as many cartoons as he could between getting home from school and when his parents got home from work. At night he would stay up late obsessing over potent quotables, movie quotes, comedy quotes, writerly quotes, and then eventually would settle into some porn. These cartoons and comedians and clever writers helped shape his comedic sensibilities.
Today he still stays up far too late, but now he's usually drunk or high.
If you work at it, you could probably steal 10 quarters a day, on average.
A real twizzler is when you eat so much gourmet licorice that it gets lodged in your lower intestine.
A lot of people don't know that a gun fight where all the guns jam is then called a gun brawl. In fact, I don't know that.